Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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