hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
