dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Duck Duck Cougar?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
