There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
