gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She told me I should be a condom model.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
