I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
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We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
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Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize