Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Pooping to opera.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
