it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
