she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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