i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
