i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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