i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm sobbing to NWA
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
