singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
