It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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