She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
