Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
