Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
