No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
