can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
