i already hear my dad disowning me
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize