It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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