Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
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You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
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I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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