we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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