i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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