So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
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I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
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Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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