Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize