I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
