We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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