I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
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I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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