Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
