My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Randomize
