Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
