If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
3pm strippers are depressing
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
