I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
