Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
