Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
