I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
