I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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