They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
