i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
