I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
