Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
