i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
