Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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