Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
