The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
