where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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