Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
