I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
