Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize