Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
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So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
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Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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