and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
