how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My ass is underappreciated
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
