Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
stop calling my apartment porn island.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
