i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
