I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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