SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
