sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
