Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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