the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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